Ok. I am not proud to admit this, but I missed my first exam in one of my classes. It's an online class, I figured the fucking thing would be, you know, ONLINE. Well, it wasn't. I had to email my professor like a total loser asshole and beg for mercy. I work at a college! I make fun of idiots who do this!!!!! Karma? Maybe. Feels more like a sign that I am way in over my head and that I really can't have it all. That is probably they most depressing realization of my adult life. I have been sprinting for a month and no I am starting to wonder what else have I missed?
I don't know why I always feel so lost. There is a delicate balance between being productive in your own grown-up life, being a wife and being a mom. Being divided up, do you ever really get to be "good" at any of them? *sigh* First world problems, but they are mine.
Another First World Problem: I cannot figure out how to start a paper I am to write. Ugh. I am supposed to be good at this!!!! I am so in my own head that I can't find my way out to do what I need to do. Maybe this is me shutting down. Could be. All I wanted to do was dance my way to L.A., fall ass first into some great luck and live the dream taking my sweet babies and my husband with me. Maybe that will still happen. Maybe I should stop trying to force it and let it come. It's in there somewhere, just got get it out.
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