Saturday, February 16, 2013

Chaos Theory

Man, today was chaotic. We tried a "no yelling" day with Jos, and I think it was successful. Well, at least I felt like less of a bad mom, I didn't lose my temper as easily as I normally do, and I didn't feel like my nerves were shot, so we will call it success(!).

Happy
Cheesy










Today was her very first indoor soccer game. She hated it. HA! Who knew my kid would hate being in a group sport? I thought for sure she would be out there kicking shins and chasing that giant green ball that strongly resembles a tennis ball on steroids. But alas, she noticed all her most favorite people there cheering her on and she decided that this game was bullshit and she was going to go play and be social. At one point, she was sitting on the bench next to a little boy and she was chatting it up like she knew him her entire life. Maybe I should have put her in debate? Do they have debate for 3 year olds?

At least she made a friend?

I sure love my little people, but man they can wear a girl out. I had this one beautifully blissful moment after the game, and after the ice cream bday celebration for my nephew, where Scott and the girls were in the car and I stood outside for a second, closed my eyes, took a really deep breath and reveled in the silence of the cold, February night air. Damn it felt good.

On the way home, the power was out from about 11800 s to 12600 s, redwood to 2700 west. It was very zombie-esque and then we watched the city boot up like it had to be restarted. Weird. These little weird things keep happening. I don't know if it is just because I am paying attention or if the universe is trying to tell me something.

I was ready to drive to Home Depot for supplies.


School is much more manageable now. I dropped my hard class and now I feel like I am not trying to cram something into every second of my day. My hair stopped falling out, and I actually feel more calm.

I made an Agent P as a bday card for the birthday boy. I forgot to take a pic, but it looked like this:

It was pretty RAD!!
VDay was awesome. Didn't get to have any zombie fun because our evenings pretty much consist of wrangling kids to sleep, jumping out of bed when they cry in the middle of the night, trying to sleep sitting up, trying not to cry ourselves when they won't go back to sleep and then getting the BEST sleep of our lives in that 10-15 minute window before the 1st alarm goes off for the morning. Yes you read correctly, 1st alarm. I cannot be trusted with one alarm and now it's getting to where I need 3. *SIGH* But, we gave each other the gift of sleep for Vday. Well that and some gorgeous flowers from him and some chocolate covered strawberries from me.

My beautiful Peruvian lilies. I picked a good husband ;)

Speaking of that all elusive sleep, I must depart before the fun begins all over again in about 3 hours. Night blogger land. 

I wish I could sleep like this



Reality

Monday, February 11, 2013

WTF...seriously

Ok. I am not proud to admit this, but I missed my first exam in one of my classes. It's an online class, I figured the fucking thing would be, you know, ONLINE. Well, it wasn't. I had to email my professor like a total loser asshole and beg for mercy. I work at a college! I make fun of idiots who do this!!!!! Karma? Maybe. Feels more like a sign that I am way in over my head and that I really can't have it all. That is probably they most depressing realization of my adult life. I have been sprinting for a month and  no I am starting to wonder what else have I missed?

I don't know why I always feel so lost. There is a delicate balance between being productive in your own grown-up life, being a wife and being a mom. Being divided up, do you ever really get to be "good" at any of them? *sigh* First world problems, but they are mine.

Another First World Problem: I cannot figure out how to start a paper I am to write. Ugh. I am supposed to be good at this!!!! I am so in my own head that I can't find my way out to do what I need to do. Maybe this is me shutting down. Could be. All I wanted to do was dance my way to L.A., fall ass first into some great luck and live the dream taking my sweet babies and my husband with me. Maybe that will still happen. Maybe I should stop trying to force it and let it come. It's in there somewhere, just got get it out.