I was just reading hollywoodfarmgirl.blogspot.com. It is Tammy Lynn Michael's blog. She is a really great writer. Very eloquent in her small town accent and her real life vs Hollywood observations. I had heard that she and Melissa Etheridge were getting divorced, but I didn't realize how bad it has been for her. I do know what that feels like, to have someone just stop loving you and move on with their life when you are stuck with all the broken glass. So Tammy, I feel for you and I know you will be a better person and your kids will see you as a pillar of strength for what you have endured and survived.
So her blog got me thinking about Hollywood. She keeps referring to going back home to Indiana and how it is real and how LA is all smoke and mirrors. Do I really want to live there? Do I really want to raise my kids there? I just want to write and work on films. I just want to be happy and content with whatever direction my life takes. I have this gut feeling that it is there, but at what expense? Seriously this is the fight EVERYDAY. It really sucks too. I am constantly fighting with who I had planned to be and who I have become. And who I have become is not a bad thing. I love having a family. I love cooking, and cleaning our home. I love singing my daughter to sleep every night. I love my house and where we live and I love that our parents live 5 minutes away from us and that we have such a great family circle. If we move, I don't want to lose that. The really shitty truth is that I am not sure I could really truly be satisfied with myself if we don't go. Stupid. If I didn't have to work and could just write, that would be a start to being happy. But the economy is down, so it is holding me down.
Dear God,
I NEED to win the lottery. And I mean the 200 Million Jackpot...
Thanks,
Me
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