Real life and the life that looks good in your head...

I was just reading hollywoodfarmgirl.blogspot.com. It is Tammy Lynn Michael's blog. She is a really great writer. Very eloquent in her small town accent and her real life vs Hollywood observations. I had heard that she and Melissa Etheridge were getting divorced, but I didn't realize how bad it has been for her. I do know what that feels like, to have someone just stop loving you and move on with their life when you are stuck with all the broken glass. So Tammy, I feel for you and I know you will be a better person and your kids will see you as a pillar of strength for what you have endured and survived.

So her blog got me thinking about Hollywood. She keeps referring to going back home to Indiana and how it is real and how LA is all smoke and mirrors. Do I really want to live there? Do I really want to raise my kids there? I just want to write and work on films. I just want to be happy and content with whatever direction my life takes. I have this gut feeling that it is there, but at what expense? Seriously this is the fight EVERYDAY. It really sucks too. I am constantly fighting with who I had planned to be and who I have become. And who I have become is not a bad thing. I love having a family. I love cooking, and cleaning our home. I love singing my daughter to sleep every night. I love my house and where we live and I love that our parents live 5 minutes away from us and that we have such a great family circle. If we move, I don't want to lose that. The really shitty truth is that I am not sure I could really truly be satisfied with myself if we don't go. Stupid. If I didn't have to work and could just write, that would be a start to being happy. But the economy is down, so it is holding me down.


Dear God,

I NEED to win the lottery. And I mean the 200 Million Jackpot...

Thanks,

Me

Just gonna stand there and watch me burn...

Today, I have mastered the art of wiping baby butt with 1 wipe! Woot! Do I get a mommy medal or something? Nevermind that Jos has been eating more baby food than formula and her poop is more solid and it isn't a horrible explosion of a mess in her diaper. Anyway, I had a moment after I only used one wipe where I actually thought, "I am SO blogging about this!". So this is what motherhood is really like. LOL! Jos is learning and growing in leaps and bounds. This morning, she looked at me and said "Mama" clear as day. I loved it. I can't get her to say it anymore, but she said it once, and it made my morning. This week we took her to the park to swing. She absolutely loves it. She likes the butterflies in the tummy. She also LOVES Wendy's phsychotic chipmunk techno ring tone and dances to it. I think the girl is gonna be a dancer!

We also got some sad news about my job. I had wanted to work full time for the department I work for and the college told us no. Then they decided to give it to someone else. Bad news, not horrible news, but the way things went down disappoints me terribly and makes me pretty angry. But fortunately for me, when things like this happen, it motivates me more than ever to change the situation and get what I want. I was told when I started at the community college working on my associate's degree that "school isn't for everyone" meaning not for me. Well, here I am a professional license, AS and BA later working toward a Writing Certificate and a Ph.D. later, and where is that person? Oh working at some shit job making no money with NO degree. It's just unfortunate because my trust has been violated and I honestly feel like my job could go away at any moment. A blessing in desguise? Definitely. Now I can do what I need to do to get where I want to be instead of settling for something I know I can do well, but is not what all my work and effort for the last 6 years has been for.

Anyway, here are some pics from the last month or so. Enjoy!


Josie haning out at Ganma's



Fun at the park!



Fast food and sunshine!