The Garden 2011

So I am a total slacker, and have been promising photos of my garden last year and now that I am getting ready to start up the 2012 garden, I thought I had better get on it.  Enjoy the assortment of pics :)

From afar in about mid-August

Yellow Squash Bloom

Amazing that it turns into these beauties!

CORN!

Sweet and delicious

These got planted really late...

Took forever to ripen

Big Girl Pants

Friday was a different and challenging day.  We took Josie to Primary Children's Hospital to have her tonsils and adenoids taken out.  It was scary for me, and I am sure for Scott, but it being a routine surgery, there really wasn't much for us to worry about once it was over, other than how she would react to the experience.  I am happy to report that she is pissy, but doing well.

The thing that required my big girl pants was the being around the other parents and the other kids who were there for much more serious procedures.  Basically this is how it went down:

Little bity hospital garb

They herd you into this little waiting room with a lot of toys, video games and a fish tank with all kinds of fish and decor.  The kids are all somewhat happy, the parents, not so much.  We all smile at each other's kids and try to give a reassuring smile to one another.  Then your pager goes off, and you are whisked away to the pre-op check up room.  By this time your kid is getting pissy because this is reminiscent of going to the regular doctor's office where they poke you with mean things and shove sticks in your throat and they haven't eaten anything since the night before.  Then the nurse hands you a teeny tiny pair of hospital jammies and socks to put your kid in.  This is where my "Oh-Shit-This-Is-Really-Happening" panic attack comes in.
Then you are led into the surgery waiting room with lots more kids, not so many chairs, and more toys, movies, etc. to keep your lil one occupied.  Here, you see the same parents and kids and the anxiety is amped up. There is an air of "so what are you in for?" that is palpable. One by one, each child's surgeon and anesthesiologist weaves in and out of the crowd of kids and parents to find their patient's mom or dad and they "prepare" them for what is about to happen.  Then they come find you.  You try to pay attention to what they are saying and try not to blurt out "Please don't permanently damage my baby"and then the nice anesthesiologist person walks you down the hall to the point where you cannot cross the yellow and black taped line on the floor.  He calmly distracts your child as you hand them off to this stranger, and helplessly watch them walk down the hallway where your complete trust and life disappear into a little room.

Super fun waiting room #2

Then you numbly walk to the next waiting room, which is the "grown up" place where you try to keep your shit together by screwing around on Facebook, or pretending that you haven't read the same sentence in your book about a million times while watching every damn second tick away on the clock.  The nice people at the front desk are volunteers and they offer you coffee, water and snacks.  There is no TV, just cubicle-type sectioned off areas with not so comfortable chairs, and anxious parents.  Here you see people crying, eating, and pretty much not talking.  The phone at the front desk rings and they call people one by one to go back. "One parent for so and so."  And you think, "One parent? What the fuck?" My sweet husband knew that I probably wouldn't survive the day if I wasn't the "one parent" so he didn't even hold any pretenses.  Bless that man.

Calm as a Hindu Cow

So once you are summoned, the nice volunteer walks you back to recovery.  There is nothing that can properly convey the emotion, fear and instinct that hits you when you see that tiny person you gave birth to laying, unconscious in a hospital bed, hooked up to machines and with bloody drool and blood in their nose.

Still trying to wake up

Once you get to hold your baby, they wheel the bed and you carry them to the post op room where you will be uncomfortably holed up for the next so many hours.  The bed, a squeaky glider, and a hard chair that folds out into a pretend bed wait for you.  The opening to the room is all glass with a sliding door and all night you hear your child and the other people's kids you were in the trenches with screaming in pain as the meds wear off.

This was just for tonsils.  Other people's kids had major surgeries on their ears and hearts, and such.

This isn't even the traumatic surgery floor.  This wasn't where the poor kids with cancer are treated, or the newborns who have to be in the hospital are housed.

When you are faced with scary things, and people say "I couldn't do it" it's bullshit, because when it happens to you, you don't have a choice but to do it.

If anything, this experience has taught me to be more patient with Josie, more thankful for our health, and more compassionate for parents who have to go through worse things that I don't even want to imagine.  It's easy to be removed when it's not happening to you.

Life is funny that way.  It forces you to be strong.  This post may seem silly because Josie's ordeal was minimal, but it really made me think about how other people are not as fortunate as I am, and how strong they must be to be able to help their babies through such difficult things.

April Fools

We did it.  We made it to April.  Can you believe it?  April 2012 already.  Seems like we just celebrated Christmas. I am feeling very bloggy this morning, if that is even a thing.  The sun is shining and I feel pretty good.

Josie had a fairly good weekend.  She got run around naked most of the time...haha.  Saturday was super windy and apparently it felt good to "air out" so to speak.  This kid amazes me every day.  She is so smart and catches on to things so quickly.  She is speaking better every day and I just love her to bits.  I am so excited to have this new baby.  Sometimes I just look at Jo and wonder why God, or whomever, trusted me with such a beautiful creature, and I am happy they did.  I love her so much.  I know I will feel the same way about our little Jelly Bean.  Children are amazing little creatures.  <3 Can you feel the love?

 She is such a little monkey :)













I keep trying to figure out a way to celebrate the baby we lost.  Granted it was super early, the doc thinks it never got to be an actual fetus/embryo, but I was pregnant, I had the hormones, and I lost it.  I haven't done anything and I feel horrible.  I wanted to buy a wind chime to remember, but I can't make myself do it.  Someday I will be brave enough to do it.  Someday.

Enough of the sad, I am feeling great today.  I was sick this weekend.  Hopefully, I can stay feeling good and morning sickness (aka. all day bullshit sickness) won't come rearing its ugly head again.

Enjoy the sunshine, my peeps.

Today today

Hello there interwebz world.  I have been having a great morning and thought that I would jump on here to share.

I am currently 13 weeks and 2 days pregnant with our little Jelly Bean.  And low and behold morning sickness has dropped down to evenings.  Thank the gods because it was ALL DAY, EVERYDAY.  I have a ton of energy and am raring and ready to get stuff done.  I have this crazy idea that I will get all the "getting ready for baby" stuff done this trimester so I don't have to do it when I can't even put shoes on anymore.  This includes trying to figure out names that Scott and I can agree on.

Work has been much better this week with my ability to focus on things other than wanting to die from the nausea.  I am also getting ready to take the Cosmetology and Barbaring Instructor Exam.  I think it will be a nice change.  I feel the need to be creative in my work and it is very limited where I am now.  However, I am extremely grateful to have a job, one that pays well and gives me great insurance.

I have entered into a screenwriting competition.  This will be my second ever and I am kind of stoked about it.  It's fun to push yourself and see how creative you can be within the confines of the competition.  Plus I think you win some money, so HELL YEAH!

I am also seriously considering an M.Ed.  I know school, school and more school, but I am trying to find my feet.  Hopefully that happens quickly.

Here are some pics of our newest addition and of his/her big sis:

10 Weeks 2 Days

13 Weeks

Trying on hats after looking at chickies

Cousins!

 

3 0

30.  I am 30.  How did this even happen?  I could't even see past 18 and ZOOOOOM! Here's 30!  I know, I am freaking out.  Being irrational...but I am hormonal, sick and 30.  Wow.

I am still in shock, but I am told there is nothing I can do about it but get over it, so yeah...

What will being 30 mean for me?  Good question.  I hope a lot less tears and a lot more laughs.  I was listening to the radio the other day and Tim McGraw's "My Next 30 Years" came on.  This time I really listened to it, like an old person would, and decided he had some good ideas...listen:

I especially like the "maybe now I've conquered all my adolescent fears and I'll do it better in my next 30 years" line.  I have a lot of adolescent fears to conquer.  I am terrified of dying, I sometimes miss going out all night (then when I do I decide its not so cool and I wished I would have stayed home), I hate going to work because I'd rather play...those kinds of stupid things.  I am also terrified of getting old.  Who knows why.  Scott doesn't seem to have any issue with it.  He is just more laid back I guess.

I know I keep promising some garden pics, and I swear I have them, I just haven't had the time to sift through them all and sit down to blog.  So for now you get me bitching about random things.  All 1 of you who reads this blog.  haha

Happy Spring, and enjoy the nice weather!

Disneyland

I am stupid excited right now.  I just booked a family trip to Disneyland!  YAY!  It isn't until December, but the new baby will be here, and it will be Josie's 1st time on a plane.  She is going to flip out!  We are also going to try to do a character dinner and have one of the characters call her to invite her to the park.  Oh man, you would think that it was my first time going and that I was 3.  Haha.  Oh having kids can be so much fun.

I am also excited because Scott and I were able to save some $$ for a down payment on a rental property.  We have been trying to figure out a way to do that for a while, and with me working full time, we are able to put some extra away for our goal.  We are building a house on our wall and for each goal amount we hit, we get a piece of the house (i.e. a wall, roof, chimney...).

Today has been a good day.  I'm happy for it.

I found gold.

Man, I suck at keeping up on blogs.  I promised gardening photos and such, and I swear that someday I might get to them.  Hopefully before gardening season starts this year. 

So, news...Our little family expansion adventure started in October.  So did my new job.  So did our miscarriage.  One of the hardest things I have ever had to go through, and really devastated me.  I actually even now don't want to talk about it.  Life goes on, and it sure did.  We are now 7 weeks 3 days pregnant.  Hoo-fucking-ray because I thought that it wasn't going to happen.  I had even convinced myself that it would be ok if Josie was an only child.  And thankfully, she doesn't have to be.  Due date is around Oct. 4th.  Yay! 

Now about the gold thing.  I didn't really find gold, I found a golden blog about being a mom.  It is amazing.  This person thinks like me, talks like me, and has a 2 year old that will not sleep, just like me.  Haha, amazing how you can find comfort in other people's pain. At least I know that I am not alone in the world when Jo won't sleep and it feels  it's been a 2 year fight. 

This saturday I am attending a screenwriting workshop.  I am actually pretty excited about it.  The guy that is teaching is/was a screenwriter and I actually have one of his books.  Hopefully it will help me in the way that I need it to. 

Today I am off with Jo, and so far it's been a good morning, other than me watching a lottery show and then crying because I know I have to go back to work tomorrow.  I know, I know, be happy I have a secure job.  And I am, I just wish things were different and I could write full time.  Ah, the dream.  But for now, this is my life.  I just have to plug my ears and close my eyes when I remember that I will be 30 in 32 days, and not get depressed thinking that I am nowhere near where I anticipated.  I am better off than when I was in high school, though.  I didn't even have a direction when I walked out of that building for the last time.  Guess I can find comfort in the fact that my original plan of "just working" and not going to college didn't pan out...shocker!

Happy President's Day!  Hope you get to enjoy it.