It's amazing how changing your fingernail/toenail polish can make a girl feel good. Color choice, blood red. I like it because it is dark enough to look black, but is still red, so you don't look like a goth poser.
This week has been crazy. On more than one occasion, I have found myself thinking, "What in hell have I gotten myself into???!" I haven't been on top of homework because I have had more pressing domestic issues. I don't know how I used to do this before. Oh wait, yes I do, I didn't have a crazy 9 month old who is becoming mobile...hahaha I love that little stink bug. No matter how bad my day, she is so happy to see me and she has a smile for me.
My furry babies are feeling a little left out, so I have been trying to include them in playtime with Jos. Josie loves to pet them, or smack them, which she thinks is the same thing and they try to keep a safe distance from her.
I have been itching to be creative. Make something, write something, take pictures of something. Change in the season, change in the Cherry. Now if only I could find the time to purge my creative demon. *sigh* Until next time...
Sunday, September 12, 2010
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
Be Careful What You Wish For
I wanted to go back to school. Check. I wanted to take a Grammar class. Check. I wanted to be able to do homework and be Mom and wifey and take care of my household needs.........? Not happening! Not with work added into the mix. I am at overload with stress right now. I think I may have overestimated my ability to multitask at this juncture in my life. What do I neglect? My job? My family? My schoolwork? My house? AAAHHHH I have definitely taken a bigger bite than I can chew. Now, what to do....
Sunday, August 29, 2010
Finding the balance
School started this week and I'm feeling it already. Homework has started and we are both trying to juggle homework and being parents. Not to mention keeping the house out of total chaos and managing to fit in some time for the two of us. Lots and lots of juggling. Proud to say that Scott earned his first 4.0, and he gained some much needed confidence to keep pursuing his Master's. I didn't do too shabby myself, and I just hope that I can keep up the momentum.
Other goings on, Miss J is getting so big! She has 2 teeth, bottom middle, and she can pull herself to standing pretty much anywhere. She hates shoes, loves #3 baby food and she is starting to sleep through the night again. (knock on wood) I think that now those teeth have finally come through, she is back to her normal happy self and mom and dad are getting some much needed sleep!
I have been feeling kind of sad the last little bit because I am losing a relationship that I had valued quite a bit. Things are different now because I see that the relationship was mostly give on my part and mostly take on the other end. I tried many times to bridge the gap, to no avail, and I can no longer participate. It's really too bad. But the person who cares the least in the relationship is the one with all the power, so I have been trying to regain that power. I love you and I am sorry that it has to be this way, but I have to do what is best for me now. Maybe someday we can talk it out, and maybe the damage can be repaired, but I don't know when that will happen, so for now, goodbye.
Other goings on, Miss J is getting so big! She has 2 teeth, bottom middle, and she can pull herself to standing pretty much anywhere. She hates shoes, loves #3 baby food and she is starting to sleep through the night again. (knock on wood) I think that now those teeth have finally come through, she is back to her normal happy self and mom and dad are getting some much needed sleep!
I have been feeling kind of sad the last little bit because I am losing a relationship that I had valued quite a bit. Things are different now because I see that the relationship was mostly give on my part and mostly take on the other end. I tried many times to bridge the gap, to no avail, and I can no longer participate. It's really too bad. But the person who cares the least in the relationship is the one with all the power, so I have been trying to regain that power. I love you and I am sorry that it has to be this way, but I have to do what is best for me now. Maybe someday we can talk it out, and maybe the damage can be repaired, but I don't know when that will happen, so for now, goodbye.
Thursday, August 5, 2010
I vant to suck your blood.....
Hey there blogging world. It's been awhile since I have posted anything, so I decided to sit and write about my current obsession...which is vampires. Seriously? What is so awesome about vampires? I have a theory.
Story
After dragging my feet and digging in my heels about reading the dreaded Twilight book series, I was sitting in a preview for some chick flick...the name escapes me at the moment...what was? Oh man, now it's going to bug me...ah! The Proposal! (thanks Jamie) Anyway, there I was, unassuming, ready to see me some Ryan Reynolds, I am about 6 months pregnant, and BAM!!! A preview for New Moon. I rolled my eyes as my friends were kind of excited and all the females in the theater were silently gushing over Edward, and then Voila! (Lot's on exclamations here) Dear sweet Taylor Lautner morphs into a werewolf. Hook. Line. And sinker. Hormones a ragin, and I secretly made myself a deal to read the books before going to see the film.
So like a good junkie ready for their next fix, I snuck to Wal-mart. I used my personal debit card, the one for stupid purchases like candy and giant mugs of soda, and bought myself Twilight. Shameful. Then I snuck it into work and read almost the entire thing in that day. Seriously. I ate that book up like a fat kid left alone in a room with an entire chocolate cake. Ahhhh it was good too. Nothing like teen romance with a hot (undead) bad boy to get a girl going. The worst part was that I couldn't WAIT to gush to someone, anyone about the damn book. So I finished it, and then snuck back to Wal-mart and bought the 2nd book. I told the 17 year old male cashier, who was looking at me like I was some Twihard freak with I Heart Edward tattooed on my forehead, that it was a gift for someone. I don't have time to read such garbage. (ha!! lying to people about addiction...hmmm junkie.) And so my week long binge progressed. Scott laughed and me and I made him swear on his life that he wouldn't tell his mom or sister or my mom or sister because I would beat him within an inch of his life...pregnant or not. I must have looked crazy and scary because he agreed to keep my dirty little secret. I saw that damn movie 5 times. YES 5 TIMES. I can't believe I am sharing this information. I don't know why I saw it that many times. Maybe it was the hormones (nice try) or maybe it was the fact that Taylor Lautner is just downright hot (shirt optional), who knows but such became my obsession with the vamp culture phenomenon.
Story #2
So after reading the Twilight Saga 2 times, I had the Sookie Stackhouse series recommended to me on a few occasions by a couple of friends. Since I got my AWESOME Kindle for Christmas (thanks again, babe) I downloaded a sample, read some of it and decided it was ok, then didn't finish the sample. Well, I was in desperate need to read something besides our book club book, The Historian, because frankly it was scaring the crap out of me, so I finished my sample of Dead Until Dark. Hooked. Again. Man, do I have (blood)sucker written all over me, or what? Needless to say, I have now begun book 6 out of 10, and this is only my 2nd week of reading the series...wow. Weird to see it out there like that.
Theory (I said I had one, remember?)
Vampires are seductive. They are magical. They are strong, sexy, gorgeous and let's not forget the ever attractive trait for narcissistic people, immortal. The idea of immortality may not be just for the self loving. I have heard on Oprah from the "TwiMoms" that their obsession with Twilight is that it reminds them of young and reckless love. It reminds them of how first love was and it takes them back. Mmmmkay, but you are 40+ and these boys are 20-, but who am I to judge? I think that the obsession stems from a lack of mystery in our everyday lives. We married, or attached women who have children have lost our mystery to our men. We would love to be brooded over, pined for, worshiped for the goddess we are and so on, but in the real world, we are someone our partners know inside and out. Just because they may not give us lavish gifts, or stare at us while we sleep all night (um, creepy) doesn't mean that they don't appreciate what a wonderful part of their life we are. But it's still kinda nice to picture some sexy stalker out there in the dark somewhere (or sparkling like a damn dance costume) lusting after us. We may be mom, girlfriend, or wifey, but we aren't dead...
*For the record, I prefer the Wolves to the Vamps...if we are talking mystical beings... ;)
Story
After dragging my feet and digging in my heels about reading the dreaded Twilight book series, I was sitting in a preview for some chick flick...the name escapes me at the moment...what was? Oh man, now it's going to bug me...ah! The Proposal! (thanks Jamie) Anyway, there I was, unassuming, ready to see me some Ryan Reynolds, I am about 6 months pregnant, and BAM!!! A preview for New Moon. I rolled my eyes as my friends were kind of excited and all the females in the theater were silently gushing over Edward, and then Voila! (Lot's on exclamations here) Dear sweet Taylor Lautner morphs into a werewolf. Hook. Line. And sinker. Hormones a ragin, and I secretly made myself a deal to read the books before going to see the film.
So like a good junkie ready for their next fix, I snuck to Wal-mart. I used my personal debit card, the one for stupid purchases like candy and giant mugs of soda, and bought myself Twilight. Shameful. Then I snuck it into work and read almost the entire thing in that day. Seriously. I ate that book up like a fat kid left alone in a room with an entire chocolate cake. Ahhhh it was good too. Nothing like teen romance with a hot (undead) bad boy to get a girl going. The worst part was that I couldn't WAIT to gush to someone, anyone about the damn book. So I finished it, and then snuck back to Wal-mart and bought the 2nd book. I told the 17 year old male cashier, who was looking at me like I was some Twihard freak with I Heart Edward tattooed on my forehead, that it was a gift for someone. I don't have time to read such garbage. (ha!! lying to people about addiction...hmmm junkie.) And so my week long binge progressed. Scott laughed and me and I made him swear on his life that he wouldn't tell his mom or sister or my mom or sister because I would beat him within an inch of his life...pregnant or not. I must have looked crazy and scary because he agreed to keep my dirty little secret. I saw that damn movie 5 times. YES 5 TIMES. I can't believe I am sharing this information. I don't know why I saw it that many times. Maybe it was the hormones (nice try) or maybe it was the fact that Taylor Lautner is just downright hot (shirt optional), who knows but such became my obsession with the vamp culture phenomenon.
Story #2
So after reading the Twilight Saga 2 times, I had the Sookie Stackhouse series recommended to me on a few occasions by a couple of friends. Since I got my AWESOME Kindle for Christmas (thanks again, babe) I downloaded a sample, read some of it and decided it was ok, then didn't finish the sample. Well, I was in desperate need to read something besides our book club book, The Historian, because frankly it was scaring the crap out of me, so I finished my sample of Dead Until Dark. Hooked. Again. Man, do I have (blood)sucker written all over me, or what? Needless to say, I have now begun book 6 out of 10, and this is only my 2nd week of reading the series...wow. Weird to see it out there like that.
Theory (I said I had one, remember?)
Vampires are seductive. They are magical. They are strong, sexy, gorgeous and let's not forget the ever attractive trait for narcissistic people, immortal. The idea of immortality may not be just for the self loving. I have heard on Oprah from the "TwiMoms" that their obsession with Twilight is that it reminds them of young and reckless love. It reminds them of how first love was and it takes them back. Mmmmkay, but you are 40+ and these boys are 20-, but who am I to judge? I think that the obsession stems from a lack of mystery in our everyday lives. We married, or attached women who have children have lost our mystery to our men. We would love to be brooded over, pined for, worshiped for the goddess we are and so on, but in the real world, we are someone our partners know inside and out. Just because they may not give us lavish gifts, or stare at us while we sleep all night (um, creepy) doesn't mean that they don't appreciate what a wonderful part of their life we are. But it's still kinda nice to picture some sexy stalker out there in the dark somewhere (or sparkling like a damn dance costume) lusting after us. We may be mom, girlfriend, or wifey, but we aren't dead...
*For the record, I prefer the Wolves to the Vamps...if we are talking mystical beings... ;)
Monday, July 12, 2010
Real life and the life that looks good in your head...
I was just reading hollywoodfarmgirl.blogspot.com. It is Tammy Lynn Michael's blog. She is a really great writer. Very eloquent in her small town accent and her real life vs Hollywood observations. I had heard that she and Melissa Etheridge were getting divorced, but I didn't realize how bad it has been for her. I do know what that feels like, to have someone just stop loving you and move on with their life when you are stuck with all the broken glass. So Tammy, I feel for you and I know you will be a better person and your kids will see you as a pillar of strength for what you have endured and survived.
So her blog got me thinking about Hollywood. She keeps referring to going back home to Indiana and how it is real and how LA is all smoke and mirrors. Do I really want to live there? Do I really want to raise my kids there? I just want to write and work on films. I just want to be happy and content with whatever direction my life takes. I have this gut feeling that it is there, but at what expense? Seriously this is the fight EVERYDAY. It really sucks too. I am constantly fighting with who I had planned to be and who I have become. And who I have become is not a bad thing. I love having a family. I love cooking, and cleaning our home. I love singing my daughter to sleep every night. I love my house and where we live and I love that our parents live 5 minutes away from us and that we have such a great family circle. If we move, I don't want to lose that. The really shitty truth is that I am not sure I could really truly be satisfied with myself if we don't go. Stupid. If I didn't have to work and could just write, that would be a start to being happy. But the economy is down, so it is holding me down.
Dear God,
I NEED to win the lottery. And I mean the 200 Million Jackpot...
Thanks,
Me
So her blog got me thinking about Hollywood. She keeps referring to going back home to Indiana and how it is real and how LA is all smoke and mirrors. Do I really want to live there? Do I really want to raise my kids there? I just want to write and work on films. I just want to be happy and content with whatever direction my life takes. I have this gut feeling that it is there, but at what expense? Seriously this is the fight EVERYDAY. It really sucks too. I am constantly fighting with who I had planned to be and who I have become. And who I have become is not a bad thing. I love having a family. I love cooking, and cleaning our home. I love singing my daughter to sleep every night. I love my house and where we live and I love that our parents live 5 minutes away from us and that we have such a great family circle. If we move, I don't want to lose that. The really shitty truth is that I am not sure I could really truly be satisfied with myself if we don't go. Stupid. If I didn't have to work and could just write, that would be a start to being happy. But the economy is down, so it is holding me down.
Dear God,
I NEED to win the lottery. And I mean the 200 Million Jackpot...
Thanks,
Me
Sunday, July 11, 2010
Just gonna stand there and watch me burn...
Today, I have mastered the art of wiping baby butt with 1 wipe! Woot! Do I get a mommy medal or something? Nevermind that Jos has been eating more baby food than formula and her poop is more solid and it isn't a horrible explosion of a mess in her diaper. Anyway, I had a moment after I only used one wipe where I actually thought, "I am SO blogging about this!". So this is what motherhood is really like. LOL! Jos is learning and growing in leaps and bounds. This morning, she looked at me and said "Mama" clear as day. I loved it. I can't get her to say it anymore, but she said it once, and it made my morning. This week we took her to the park to swing. She absolutely loves it. She likes the butterflies in the tummy. She also LOVES Wendy's phsychotic chipmunk techno ring tone and dances to it. I think the girl is gonna be a dancer!
We also got some sad news about my job. I had wanted to work full time for the department I work for and the college told us no. Then they decided to give it to someone else. Bad news, not horrible news, but the way things went down disappoints me terribly and makes me pretty angry. But fortunately for me, when things like this happen, it motivates me more than ever to change the situation and get what I want. I was told when I started at the community college working on my associate's degree that "school isn't for everyone" meaning not for me. Well, here I am a professional license, AS and BA later working toward a Writing Certificate and a Ph.D. later, and where is that person? Oh working at some shit job making no money with NO degree. It's just unfortunate because my trust has been violated and I honestly feel like my job could go away at any moment. A blessing in desguise? Definitely. Now I can do what I need to do to get where I want to be instead of settling for something I know I can do well, but is not what all my work and effort for the last 6 years has been for.
Anyway, here are some pics from the last month or so. Enjoy!
Josie haning out at Ganma's
Fun at the park!
Fast food and sunshine!
We also got some sad news about my job. I had wanted to work full time for the department I work for and the college told us no. Then they decided to give it to someone else. Bad news, not horrible news, but the way things went down disappoints me terribly and makes me pretty angry. But fortunately for me, when things like this happen, it motivates me more than ever to change the situation and get what I want. I was told when I started at the community college working on my associate's degree that "school isn't for everyone" meaning not for me. Well, here I am a professional license, AS and BA later working toward a Writing Certificate and a Ph.D. later, and where is that person? Oh working at some shit job making no money with NO degree. It's just unfortunate because my trust has been violated and I honestly feel like my job could go away at any moment. A blessing in desguise? Definitely. Now I can do what I need to do to get where I want to be instead of settling for something I know I can do well, but is not what all my work and effort for the last 6 years has been for.
Anyway, here are some pics from the last month or so. Enjoy!
Josie haning out at Ganma's
Fun at the park!
Fast food and sunshine!
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
Goings on
Seems like I am always giving an update on this thing! I can't seem to find the time to blog between poopy diapers, housework and real work. And now to add on top of it, I am going back to school starting June 9th. I am insane.
I am going to try to get a Writing Certificate to add to my credentials. I am not sure how this will help me, but someday I might be recognized as a real life, honest to god writer. Sigh. I am also looking at a Ph.D. in Creative Writing. Why in the hell would I try to get a Ph.D. in Writing? Don't you just...write? I suppose that is definitely something that I could do instead of taking the time and money to pursue yet ANOTHER degree, but I think I have pro-student tendencies and I don't think too much education is a bad thing. Plus, for my dissertation, I will be writing a publish ready novel that I will defend for a committee. How bad ass is that?
Anyway, life is sailing right along. My Jos is getting so big. She will be 6 months tomorrow. Time flies. She is learning so many awesome things. I am amazed that I could create such a beautiful, intelligent and sweet creature. I am very lucky.
I am going to try to get a Writing Certificate to add to my credentials. I am not sure how this will help me, but someday I might be recognized as a real life, honest to god writer. Sigh. I am also looking at a Ph.D. in Creative Writing. Why in the hell would I try to get a Ph.D. in Writing? Don't you just...write? I suppose that is definitely something that I could do instead of taking the time and money to pursue yet ANOTHER degree, but I think I have pro-student tendencies and I don't think too much education is a bad thing. Plus, for my dissertation, I will be writing a publish ready novel that I will defend for a committee. How bad ass is that?
Anyway, life is sailing right along. My Jos is getting so big. She will be 6 months tomorrow. Time flies. She is learning so many awesome things. I am amazed that I could create such a beautiful, intelligent and sweet creature. I am very lucky.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)