My house looks like a bomb went off.
Toys
Clothes
Toys
Blankets
Toys
And crap of the general kind
I'm trying to find the energy and motivation to take care of it but, damn it's not there! I was very excited to get to have 6 working days off, but now I am going crazy and it is only 1:30 PM on the FIRST DAY! Ahhhh! Maybe if my house was clean, I would feel differently, but the consensus is...UGH.
Monday, December 27, 2010
Saturday, December 25, 2010
Warm and Fuzzies
Today was a good day. Josie has been a bit cranky, Scott has some weird stomach issue, and I feel like I ran a 3 day marathon, but we survived and now, here I sit, with egg nog and rum, the lights low, the tree lit and everyone but me asleep. A good time to write? Maybe so, but I feel like purging the words that are swimming around in this nog on top of my shoulders.
There was this feeling of peace today, and that is rare for a holiday that we have to run around to so many places for. The air was great and tension free, the sun was shining, the dogs got to run. I'd say pretty successful.
There are so many sweets sitting in my kitchen, I can already feel my body expanding...ha. Tis the season, I suppose.
Tomorrow, we relax and play with our shiny new toys. Can't wait.
There was this feeling of peace today, and that is rare for a holiday that we have to run around to so many places for. The air was great and tension free, the sun was shining, the dogs got to run. I'd say pretty successful.
There are so many sweets sitting in my kitchen, I can already feel my body expanding...ha. Tis the season, I suppose.
Tomorrow, we relax and play with our shiny new toys. Can't wait.
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
Oh my lordy, another one.
I wish I were one of those people who memorized passages from their favortie piece of literature.
I wish I could say some witty joke that related in some funny academic way.
I wish I had more courage to leave Jos alone to work on writing.
I wish I had more time in the day.
I wish that I could just finish my rewrite and send it in instead of being so scared to try.
I wish I didn't feel like I was in limbo all of the time.
I wish that I fit in somewhere, with the writers, with the film people, with the literature people...but I don't.
I am in between, my own brand of quirky and strange.
I am quite possibly a jane of all trades, master of none.
I wish I could say some witty joke that related in some funny academic way.
I wish I had more courage to leave Jos alone to work on writing.
I wish I had more time in the day.
I wish that I could just finish my rewrite and send it in instead of being so scared to try.
I wish I didn't feel like I was in limbo all of the time.
I wish that I fit in somewhere, with the writers, with the film people, with the literature people...but I don't.
I am in between, my own brand of quirky and strange.
I am quite possibly a jane of all trades, master of none.
Old Fashioned Blogging
I have been wandering around my house at odd hours of the day (usually evening, after 2 cups of coffee and a LOT of diet soda later) when I can't sleep and my brain is reeling. Reeling in a good way, not my usual tired and stressed way, and I have to purge my thoughts somehow. I have been wandering around with a paper notebook that I used for one of my classes this semester. I have pens stashed all over the place so that whilst wandering, I can jot down whatever it is I am processing at the moment. I am telling you this because I have had such an ugly block for so long and for some reason, I was able to uncork it and her it all comes. And not a moment too soon either. I make little poems about my opinions, I write poems about my family, drama I am dealing with, work, life, everything. If you are a writer, you know that to lose, or think you have lost, that ability to articulate your thoughts into coherent, and sometimes non-coherent, sentences is like death. It is like being stuck in a box underground, and angry because you put yourself there. To be able to dig yourself out of the self-imposed dungeon and to smell that fresh air is what alcoholics call CLARITY.
Cheers.
Cheers.
Sunday, September 12, 2010
Fresh coat of paint
It's amazing how changing your fingernail/toenail polish can make a girl feel good. Color choice, blood red. I like it because it is dark enough to look black, but is still red, so you don't look like a goth poser.
This week has been crazy. On more than one occasion, I have found myself thinking, "What in hell have I gotten myself into???!" I haven't been on top of homework because I have had more pressing domestic issues. I don't know how I used to do this before. Oh wait, yes I do, I didn't have a crazy 9 month old who is becoming mobile...hahaha I love that little stink bug. No matter how bad my day, she is so happy to see me and she has a smile for me.
My furry babies are feeling a little left out, so I have been trying to include them in playtime with Jos. Josie loves to pet them, or smack them, which she thinks is the same thing and they try to keep a safe distance from her.
I have been itching to be creative. Make something, write something, take pictures of something. Change in the season, change in the Cherry. Now if only I could find the time to purge my creative demon. *sigh* Until next time...
This week has been crazy. On more than one occasion, I have found myself thinking, "What in hell have I gotten myself into???!" I haven't been on top of homework because I have had more pressing domestic issues. I don't know how I used to do this before. Oh wait, yes I do, I didn't have a crazy 9 month old who is becoming mobile...hahaha I love that little stink bug. No matter how bad my day, she is so happy to see me and she has a smile for me.
My furry babies are feeling a little left out, so I have been trying to include them in playtime with Jos. Josie loves to pet them, or smack them, which she thinks is the same thing and they try to keep a safe distance from her.
I have been itching to be creative. Make something, write something, take pictures of something. Change in the season, change in the Cherry. Now if only I could find the time to purge my creative demon. *sigh* Until next time...
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
Be Careful What You Wish For
I wanted to go back to school. Check. I wanted to take a Grammar class. Check. I wanted to be able to do homework and be Mom and wifey and take care of my household needs.........? Not happening! Not with work added into the mix. I am at overload with stress right now. I think I may have overestimated my ability to multitask at this juncture in my life. What do I neglect? My job? My family? My schoolwork? My house? AAAHHHH I have definitely taken a bigger bite than I can chew. Now, what to do....
Sunday, August 29, 2010
Finding the balance
School started this week and I'm feeling it already. Homework has started and we are both trying to juggle homework and being parents. Not to mention keeping the house out of total chaos and managing to fit in some time for the two of us. Lots and lots of juggling. Proud to say that Scott earned his first 4.0, and he gained some much needed confidence to keep pursuing his Master's. I didn't do too shabby myself, and I just hope that I can keep up the momentum.
Other goings on, Miss J is getting so big! She has 2 teeth, bottom middle, and she can pull herself to standing pretty much anywhere. She hates shoes, loves #3 baby food and she is starting to sleep through the night again. (knock on wood) I think that now those teeth have finally come through, she is back to her normal happy self and mom and dad are getting some much needed sleep!
I have been feeling kind of sad the last little bit because I am losing a relationship that I had valued quite a bit. Things are different now because I see that the relationship was mostly give on my part and mostly take on the other end. I tried many times to bridge the gap, to no avail, and I can no longer participate. It's really too bad. But the person who cares the least in the relationship is the one with all the power, so I have been trying to regain that power. I love you and I am sorry that it has to be this way, but I have to do what is best for me now. Maybe someday we can talk it out, and maybe the damage can be repaired, but I don't know when that will happen, so for now, goodbye.
Other goings on, Miss J is getting so big! She has 2 teeth, bottom middle, and she can pull herself to standing pretty much anywhere. She hates shoes, loves #3 baby food and she is starting to sleep through the night again. (knock on wood) I think that now those teeth have finally come through, she is back to her normal happy self and mom and dad are getting some much needed sleep!
I have been feeling kind of sad the last little bit because I am losing a relationship that I had valued quite a bit. Things are different now because I see that the relationship was mostly give on my part and mostly take on the other end. I tried many times to bridge the gap, to no avail, and I can no longer participate. It's really too bad. But the person who cares the least in the relationship is the one with all the power, so I have been trying to regain that power. I love you and I am sorry that it has to be this way, but I have to do what is best for me now. Maybe someday we can talk it out, and maybe the damage can be repaired, but I don't know when that will happen, so for now, goodbye.
Thursday, August 5, 2010
I vant to suck your blood.....
Hey there blogging world. It's been awhile since I have posted anything, so I decided to sit and write about my current obsession...which is vampires. Seriously? What is so awesome about vampires? I have a theory.
Story
After dragging my feet and digging in my heels about reading the dreaded Twilight book series, I was sitting in a preview for some chick flick...the name escapes me at the moment...what was? Oh man, now it's going to bug me...ah! The Proposal! (thanks Jamie) Anyway, there I was, unassuming, ready to see me some Ryan Reynolds, I am about 6 months pregnant, and BAM!!! A preview for New Moon. I rolled my eyes as my friends were kind of excited and all the females in the theater were silently gushing over Edward, and then Voila! (Lot's on exclamations here) Dear sweet Taylor Lautner morphs into a werewolf. Hook. Line. And sinker. Hormones a ragin, and I secretly made myself a deal to read the books before going to see the film.
So like a good junkie ready for their next fix, I snuck to Wal-mart. I used my personal debit card, the one for stupid purchases like candy and giant mugs of soda, and bought myself Twilight. Shameful. Then I snuck it into work and read almost the entire thing in that day. Seriously. I ate that book up like a fat kid left alone in a room with an entire chocolate cake. Ahhhh it was good too. Nothing like teen romance with a hot (undead) bad boy to get a girl going. The worst part was that I couldn't WAIT to gush to someone, anyone about the damn book. So I finished it, and then snuck back to Wal-mart and bought the 2nd book. I told the 17 year old male cashier, who was looking at me like I was some Twihard freak with I Heart Edward tattooed on my forehead, that it was a gift for someone. I don't have time to read such garbage. (ha!! lying to people about addiction...hmmm junkie.) And so my week long binge progressed. Scott laughed and me and I made him swear on his life that he wouldn't tell his mom or sister or my mom or sister because I would beat him within an inch of his life...pregnant or not. I must have looked crazy and scary because he agreed to keep my dirty little secret. I saw that damn movie 5 times. YES 5 TIMES. I can't believe I am sharing this information. I don't know why I saw it that many times. Maybe it was the hormones (nice try) or maybe it was the fact that Taylor Lautner is just downright hot (shirt optional), who knows but such became my obsession with the vamp culture phenomenon.
Story #2
So after reading the Twilight Saga 2 times, I had the Sookie Stackhouse series recommended to me on a few occasions by a couple of friends. Since I got my AWESOME Kindle for Christmas (thanks again, babe) I downloaded a sample, read some of it and decided it was ok, then didn't finish the sample. Well, I was in desperate need to read something besides our book club book, The Historian, because frankly it was scaring the crap out of me, so I finished my sample of Dead Until Dark. Hooked. Again. Man, do I have (blood)sucker written all over me, or what? Needless to say, I have now begun book 6 out of 10, and this is only my 2nd week of reading the series...wow. Weird to see it out there like that.
Theory (I said I had one, remember?)
Vampires are seductive. They are magical. They are strong, sexy, gorgeous and let's not forget the ever attractive trait for narcissistic people, immortal. The idea of immortality may not be just for the self loving. I have heard on Oprah from the "TwiMoms" that their obsession with Twilight is that it reminds them of young and reckless love. It reminds them of how first love was and it takes them back. Mmmmkay, but you are 40+ and these boys are 20-, but who am I to judge? I think that the obsession stems from a lack of mystery in our everyday lives. We married, or attached women who have children have lost our mystery to our men. We would love to be brooded over, pined for, worshiped for the goddess we are and so on, but in the real world, we are someone our partners know inside and out. Just because they may not give us lavish gifts, or stare at us while we sleep all night (um, creepy) doesn't mean that they don't appreciate what a wonderful part of their life we are. But it's still kinda nice to picture some sexy stalker out there in the dark somewhere (or sparkling like a damn dance costume) lusting after us. We may be mom, girlfriend, or wifey, but we aren't dead...
*For the record, I prefer the Wolves to the Vamps...if we are talking mystical beings... ;)
Story
After dragging my feet and digging in my heels about reading the dreaded Twilight book series, I was sitting in a preview for some chick flick...the name escapes me at the moment...what was? Oh man, now it's going to bug me...ah! The Proposal! (thanks Jamie) Anyway, there I was, unassuming, ready to see me some Ryan Reynolds, I am about 6 months pregnant, and BAM!!! A preview for New Moon. I rolled my eyes as my friends were kind of excited and all the females in the theater were silently gushing over Edward, and then Voila! (Lot's on exclamations here) Dear sweet Taylor Lautner morphs into a werewolf. Hook. Line. And sinker. Hormones a ragin, and I secretly made myself a deal to read the books before going to see the film.
So like a good junkie ready for their next fix, I snuck to Wal-mart. I used my personal debit card, the one for stupid purchases like candy and giant mugs of soda, and bought myself Twilight. Shameful. Then I snuck it into work and read almost the entire thing in that day. Seriously. I ate that book up like a fat kid left alone in a room with an entire chocolate cake. Ahhhh it was good too. Nothing like teen romance with a hot (undead) bad boy to get a girl going. The worst part was that I couldn't WAIT to gush to someone, anyone about the damn book. So I finished it, and then snuck back to Wal-mart and bought the 2nd book. I told the 17 year old male cashier, who was looking at me like I was some Twihard freak with I Heart Edward tattooed on my forehead, that it was a gift for someone. I don't have time to read such garbage. (ha!! lying to people about addiction...hmmm junkie.) And so my week long binge progressed. Scott laughed and me and I made him swear on his life that he wouldn't tell his mom or sister or my mom or sister because I would beat him within an inch of his life...pregnant or not. I must have looked crazy and scary because he agreed to keep my dirty little secret. I saw that damn movie 5 times. YES 5 TIMES. I can't believe I am sharing this information. I don't know why I saw it that many times. Maybe it was the hormones (nice try) or maybe it was the fact that Taylor Lautner is just downright hot (shirt optional), who knows but such became my obsession with the vamp culture phenomenon.
Story #2
So after reading the Twilight Saga 2 times, I had the Sookie Stackhouse series recommended to me on a few occasions by a couple of friends. Since I got my AWESOME Kindle for Christmas (thanks again, babe) I downloaded a sample, read some of it and decided it was ok, then didn't finish the sample. Well, I was in desperate need to read something besides our book club book, The Historian, because frankly it was scaring the crap out of me, so I finished my sample of Dead Until Dark. Hooked. Again. Man, do I have (blood)sucker written all over me, or what? Needless to say, I have now begun book 6 out of 10, and this is only my 2nd week of reading the series...wow. Weird to see it out there like that.
Theory (I said I had one, remember?)
Vampires are seductive. They are magical. They are strong, sexy, gorgeous and let's not forget the ever attractive trait for narcissistic people, immortal. The idea of immortality may not be just for the self loving. I have heard on Oprah from the "TwiMoms" that their obsession with Twilight is that it reminds them of young and reckless love. It reminds them of how first love was and it takes them back. Mmmmkay, but you are 40+ and these boys are 20-, but who am I to judge? I think that the obsession stems from a lack of mystery in our everyday lives. We married, or attached women who have children have lost our mystery to our men. We would love to be brooded over, pined for, worshiped for the goddess we are and so on, but in the real world, we are someone our partners know inside and out. Just because they may not give us lavish gifts, or stare at us while we sleep all night (um, creepy) doesn't mean that they don't appreciate what a wonderful part of their life we are. But it's still kinda nice to picture some sexy stalker out there in the dark somewhere (or sparkling like a damn dance costume) lusting after us. We may be mom, girlfriend, or wifey, but we aren't dead...
*For the record, I prefer the Wolves to the Vamps...if we are talking mystical beings... ;)
Monday, July 12, 2010
Real life and the life that looks good in your head...
I was just reading hollywoodfarmgirl.blogspot.com. It is Tammy Lynn Michael's blog. She is a really great writer. Very eloquent in her small town accent and her real life vs Hollywood observations. I had heard that she and Melissa Etheridge were getting divorced, but I didn't realize how bad it has been for her. I do know what that feels like, to have someone just stop loving you and move on with their life when you are stuck with all the broken glass. So Tammy, I feel for you and I know you will be a better person and your kids will see you as a pillar of strength for what you have endured and survived.
So her blog got me thinking about Hollywood. She keeps referring to going back home to Indiana and how it is real and how LA is all smoke and mirrors. Do I really want to live there? Do I really want to raise my kids there? I just want to write and work on films. I just want to be happy and content with whatever direction my life takes. I have this gut feeling that it is there, but at what expense? Seriously this is the fight EVERYDAY. It really sucks too. I am constantly fighting with who I had planned to be and who I have become. And who I have become is not a bad thing. I love having a family. I love cooking, and cleaning our home. I love singing my daughter to sleep every night. I love my house and where we live and I love that our parents live 5 minutes away from us and that we have such a great family circle. If we move, I don't want to lose that. The really shitty truth is that I am not sure I could really truly be satisfied with myself if we don't go. Stupid. If I didn't have to work and could just write, that would be a start to being happy. But the economy is down, so it is holding me down.
Dear God,
I NEED to win the lottery. And I mean the 200 Million Jackpot...
Thanks,
Me
So her blog got me thinking about Hollywood. She keeps referring to going back home to Indiana and how it is real and how LA is all smoke and mirrors. Do I really want to live there? Do I really want to raise my kids there? I just want to write and work on films. I just want to be happy and content with whatever direction my life takes. I have this gut feeling that it is there, but at what expense? Seriously this is the fight EVERYDAY. It really sucks too. I am constantly fighting with who I had planned to be and who I have become. And who I have become is not a bad thing. I love having a family. I love cooking, and cleaning our home. I love singing my daughter to sleep every night. I love my house and where we live and I love that our parents live 5 minutes away from us and that we have such a great family circle. If we move, I don't want to lose that. The really shitty truth is that I am not sure I could really truly be satisfied with myself if we don't go. Stupid. If I didn't have to work and could just write, that would be a start to being happy. But the economy is down, so it is holding me down.
Dear God,
I NEED to win the lottery. And I mean the 200 Million Jackpot...
Thanks,
Me
Sunday, July 11, 2010
Just gonna stand there and watch me burn...
Today, I have mastered the art of wiping baby butt with 1 wipe! Woot! Do I get a mommy medal or something? Nevermind that Jos has been eating more baby food than formula and her poop is more solid and it isn't a horrible explosion of a mess in her diaper. Anyway, I had a moment after I only used one wipe where I actually thought, "I am SO blogging about this!". So this is what motherhood is really like. LOL! Jos is learning and growing in leaps and bounds. This morning, she looked at me and said "Mama" clear as day. I loved it. I can't get her to say it anymore, but she said it once, and it made my morning. This week we took her to the park to swing. She absolutely loves it. She likes the butterflies in the tummy. She also LOVES Wendy's phsychotic chipmunk techno ring tone and dances to it. I think the girl is gonna be a dancer!
We also got some sad news about my job. I had wanted to work full time for the department I work for and the college told us no. Then they decided to give it to someone else. Bad news, not horrible news, but the way things went down disappoints me terribly and makes me pretty angry. But fortunately for me, when things like this happen, it motivates me more than ever to change the situation and get what I want. I was told when I started at the community college working on my associate's degree that "school isn't for everyone" meaning not for me. Well, here I am a professional license, AS and BA later working toward a Writing Certificate and a Ph.D. later, and where is that person? Oh working at some shit job making no money with NO degree. It's just unfortunate because my trust has been violated and I honestly feel like my job could go away at any moment. A blessing in desguise? Definitely. Now I can do what I need to do to get where I want to be instead of settling for something I know I can do well, but is not what all my work and effort for the last 6 years has been for.
Anyway, here are some pics from the last month or so. Enjoy!
Josie haning out at Ganma's
Fun at the park!
Fast food and sunshine!
We also got some sad news about my job. I had wanted to work full time for the department I work for and the college told us no. Then they decided to give it to someone else. Bad news, not horrible news, but the way things went down disappoints me terribly and makes me pretty angry. But fortunately for me, when things like this happen, it motivates me more than ever to change the situation and get what I want. I was told when I started at the community college working on my associate's degree that "school isn't for everyone" meaning not for me. Well, here I am a professional license, AS and BA later working toward a Writing Certificate and a Ph.D. later, and where is that person? Oh working at some shit job making no money with NO degree. It's just unfortunate because my trust has been violated and I honestly feel like my job could go away at any moment. A blessing in desguise? Definitely. Now I can do what I need to do to get where I want to be instead of settling for something I know I can do well, but is not what all my work and effort for the last 6 years has been for.
Anyway, here are some pics from the last month or so. Enjoy!
Josie haning out at Ganma's
Fun at the park!
Fast food and sunshine!
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
Goings on
Seems like I am always giving an update on this thing! I can't seem to find the time to blog between poopy diapers, housework and real work. And now to add on top of it, I am going back to school starting June 9th. I am insane.
I am going to try to get a Writing Certificate to add to my credentials. I am not sure how this will help me, but someday I might be recognized as a real life, honest to god writer. Sigh. I am also looking at a Ph.D. in Creative Writing. Why in the hell would I try to get a Ph.D. in Writing? Don't you just...write? I suppose that is definitely something that I could do instead of taking the time and money to pursue yet ANOTHER degree, but I think I have pro-student tendencies and I don't think too much education is a bad thing. Plus, for my dissertation, I will be writing a publish ready novel that I will defend for a committee. How bad ass is that?
Anyway, life is sailing right along. My Jos is getting so big. She will be 6 months tomorrow. Time flies. She is learning so many awesome things. I am amazed that I could create such a beautiful, intelligent and sweet creature. I am very lucky.
I am going to try to get a Writing Certificate to add to my credentials. I am not sure how this will help me, but someday I might be recognized as a real life, honest to god writer. Sigh. I am also looking at a Ph.D. in Creative Writing. Why in the hell would I try to get a Ph.D. in Writing? Don't you just...write? I suppose that is definitely something that I could do instead of taking the time and money to pursue yet ANOTHER degree, but I think I have pro-student tendencies and I don't think too much education is a bad thing. Plus, for my dissertation, I will be writing a publish ready novel that I will defend for a committee. How bad ass is that?
Anyway, life is sailing right along. My Jos is getting so big. She will be 6 months tomorrow. Time flies. She is learning so many awesome things. I am amazed that I could create such a beautiful, intelligent and sweet creature. I am very lucky.
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
Update
So we went to the Pediatric Cardiologist and Josie is healthy and great! She does have a murmur, but the doc says it's a Still Murmur, or an Innocent Murmur. He said she will "grow out of it" but that just means as she gets older, the murmur will be hard to hear because her chest wall will be thicker. WHEW!!! I have never been so relieved in my life!
That aside, I was making an observation about how perspective changes once you have a child. I was once content to let my house get messy, I didn't dust ot vacuum as often, I didn't mind the dog hair unless I was going out somewhere and was wearing black. My dogs were my children and were spoiled as such. Now, I try to keep the dog hair as minimal as possible. I scrub the freaking baseboards about once a week! I wash my hands like I have OCD. And my poor dogs are just dogs.
Roxy pretty much resents me and hates Jos. It's kind of funny. The other day, I had Josie on my lap and Rox was on the floor. Josie was staring at Roxy because she is really starting to pay attention to stuff, which means mommy can't swear so much anymore. But I digress. Anyway, she was staring and apparently Roxy was thinking "What the hell are you looking at, baldy?" and she jumped and barked at Josie. Granted Roxy is tiny, she is a Minature Pinscher, but it scared Josie and she started to cry. So Rox got yelled at and booted outside. But as I was kicking her pissy ass out, I was laughing to myself because it's just a funny power struggle.
Mali couldn't care less. She thinks that Josie tastes good and will slobber on her any chance she gets. Little does she know that as soon as Jos is able, she will be slobbering on Mali.
Another one of my many observations of late, has been how much I need my husband. Now I don't mean in a co-dependant way. I know that if I had to, I could raise Josie, work and maintain some kind of domestic responsibility if I had to. It would suck, but I could do it. What I mean is how much I need him as an adult and as my best friend, lover, right hand man, comic relief and so on. He really is my perfect match. I can't imagine where I would be without him. I definitely wouldn't be happy.
I also have observed how much a parent needs to have adult interaction! Seriously! you take it for granted until you realize you know every word to all the songs on NickJr and how you steal little moments to yourself when possible. I am a bad parent, I put Josie in her chair sometimes and turn on Yo Gabba Gabba! so that I can sit somewhere quiet and space off for 5 minutes.
Motherhood is wonderful and I am so blessed! :D Until later, have a wonderful day!
That aside, I was making an observation about how perspective changes once you have a child. I was once content to let my house get messy, I didn't dust ot vacuum as often, I didn't mind the dog hair unless I was going out somewhere and was wearing black. My dogs were my children and were spoiled as such. Now, I try to keep the dog hair as minimal as possible. I scrub the freaking baseboards about once a week! I wash my hands like I have OCD. And my poor dogs are just dogs.
Roxy pretty much resents me and hates Jos. It's kind of funny. The other day, I had Josie on my lap and Rox was on the floor. Josie was staring at Roxy because she is really starting to pay attention to stuff, which means mommy can't swear so much anymore. But I digress. Anyway, she was staring and apparently Roxy was thinking "What the hell are you looking at, baldy?" and she jumped and barked at Josie. Granted Roxy is tiny, she is a Minature Pinscher, but it scared Josie and she started to cry. So Rox got yelled at and booted outside. But as I was kicking her pissy ass out, I was laughing to myself because it's just a funny power struggle.
Mali couldn't care less. She thinks that Josie tastes good and will slobber on her any chance she gets. Little does she know that as soon as Jos is able, she will be slobbering on Mali.
Another one of my many observations of late, has been how much I need my husband. Now I don't mean in a co-dependant way. I know that if I had to, I could raise Josie, work and maintain some kind of domestic responsibility if I had to. It would suck, but I could do it. What I mean is how much I need him as an adult and as my best friend, lover, right hand man, comic relief and so on. He really is my perfect match. I can't imagine where I would be without him. I definitely wouldn't be happy.
I also have observed how much a parent needs to have adult interaction! Seriously! you take it for granted until you realize you know every word to all the songs on NickJr and how you steal little moments to yourself when possible. I am a bad parent, I put Josie in her chair sometimes and turn on Yo Gabba Gabba! so that I can sit somewhere quiet and space off for 5 minutes.
Motherhood is wonderful and I am so blessed! :D Until later, have a wonderful day!
Monday, April 5, 2010
Jos
Today we took Josie to her 4 month appt. The doc took a listen to her heart like normal. Only she took 3 times as long listening. She heard a murmur. She said it is in the top part of her heart and she thinks that it could be a valve not functioning correctly. So we have an appointment with a pediatric cardiologist on the 15th to determine what is really going on.
The doc never heard it until now and it scared the shit out of me. I am pretty much a wreck. She said that it very well could be nothing, but I get to worry for 10 days until we know for sure.
On top of all of that, poor Jos had to get 4 shots. Tough day.
The doc never heard it until now and it scared the shit out of me. I am pretty much a wreck. She said that it very well could be nothing, but I get to worry for 10 days until we know for sure.
On top of all of that, poor Jos had to get 4 shots. Tough day.
Sunday, April 4, 2010
Happy Easter!
Happy Easter everyone!
Josie turned 4 months old yesterday. I can't believe it has been that long. Seems like yesterday she was so tiny and sleepy. Now she is active, talkative and a bucket of giggles. I feel so lucky to have such a fun, healthy girl.
Yesterday I took Josie to see my grandma. Grandma was very excited to see her and it was a nice visit. My dad was there, which was nice since he hasn't seen Josie for 2 months. It's a hard situation. No matter how hard I try to have him involved, he just doesn't care enough to make it happen. That is a whole other blog. Grandpa Bryce gave her a basket with candy and and outfit and jammies. :D
Last night we played a game called Wit's and Wagers with my mom, Daddy Jan and Wendy. It was a blast. We always have such a great time. No drama, just laughs. Ganma and Janpa gave Jos a pink bathtub with rubber duckies. It is adorable!
Grandma Karen & Grandpa Mark gave Jos a basket with eggs and an adorable cupcake outfit. That girl is stylin!
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Today we hunt Easter eggs with Austyn & Bronson at Grandma and Grandpa Lindhardt! FUN!!
Josie turned 4 months old yesterday. I can't believe it has been that long. Seems like yesterday she was so tiny and sleepy. Now she is active, talkative and a bucket of giggles. I feel so lucky to have such a fun, healthy girl.
Yesterday I took Josie to see my grandma. Grandma was very excited to see her and it was a nice visit. My dad was there, which was nice since he hasn't seen Josie for 2 months. It's a hard situation. No matter how hard I try to have him involved, he just doesn't care enough to make it happen. That is a whole other blog. Grandpa Bryce gave her a basket with candy and and outfit and jammies. :D
Last night we played a game called Wit's and Wagers with my mom, Daddy Jan and Wendy. It was a blast. We always have such a great time. No drama, just laughs. Ganma and Janpa gave Jos a pink bathtub with rubber duckies. It is adorable!
Grandma Karen & Grandpa Mark gave Jos a basket with eggs and an adorable cupcake outfit. That girl is stylin!
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Today we hunt Easter eggs with Austyn & Bronson at Grandma and Grandpa Lindhardt! FUN!!
Thursday, April 1, 2010
Log Jam
So it's been awhile. I went back to work. Which has been nice. I think I forgot what it was like to get up and get ready for the day. I miss my girl during the day, but it makes our time so much sweeter when I get home.
Which, brings me to my first gripe! Haha! No really I just need to clear my head. I can't seem to find the motivation to sit down and write. I have these ideas that slip out of my head and then into God knows where. So I am writing today to try to get the log jam cleared.
Here is what I want to accomplish with writing: I want to write steadily, meaning always a project in the works. I want to put in the work to make it great, meaning re-writes and the like. I want to get them to a point where I feel like I can either enter them into writing competitions or where I can send out queries and get one optioned. I want to be a professional screenwriter. I love to write. Should be simple, right? Yeah, right.
Anyway, so tonight I find myself in a debacle of jumbled thoughts, words, emotions, etc. I have my Jason Aldean playing and I am searching for my characters voices...
Which, brings me to my first gripe! Haha! No really I just need to clear my head. I can't seem to find the motivation to sit down and write. I have these ideas that slip out of my head and then into God knows where. So I am writing today to try to get the log jam cleared.
Here is what I want to accomplish with writing: I want to write steadily, meaning always a project in the works. I want to put in the work to make it great, meaning re-writes and the like. I want to get them to a point where I feel like I can either enter them into writing competitions or where I can send out queries and get one optioned. I want to be a professional screenwriter. I love to write. Should be simple, right? Yeah, right.
Anyway, so tonight I find myself in a debacle of jumbled thoughts, words, emotions, etc. I have my Jason Aldean playing and I am searching for my characters voices...
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
Back to Work
I'm trying not to be so serious today because I might explode. I have to go back to work tomorrow. YUCK! After 3 months off, I'm supposed to be ready to leave my little girl and go to work. Um, nope. Not ready. I don't know how some people do it. Maybe it's the selfish bitch in me, but I'd rather stay home and hang out with J all day. I wonder what would happen if I just refused to go back...hmmmmmmm day dream bubble...
Whoa, probably not a good idea.
This must be why women are so much tougher than men. We carry this little being for 9 months, do one of the hardest things ever - which is give birth, then we stay with them and watch them grow and learn every second of their little lives and then we have to leave them after 24/7 with them to go to work, when the real work is to be a mom. Shitty no matter which way you look at it.
What I should be doing today:
Cleaning
Laundry
Writing
Some reading
Picking a book for our book club
What I will be doing instead:
Holding J
Crying when I look at her and realize this is the end of our awesome all day adventures
Getting mad and sad in appropriate intervals
Time to suck it up, girl. Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do. And for me that means going back to work.
Friday, February 26, 2010
Making things work out
So I am trying to figure out what to do with my life. Plans, plans, plans. How do you define yourself when you had such a definite plan but you realized that all your plans don't fit? A round hole with a square peg. I'm trying to realize that I need to put that old dream to bed because I chose a different path.
What dream, you ask? Well, I had decided that I would go to USC, graduate from their film program and walk into a film job doing anything until I would get the chance to direct my own film. Slowly things changed. I met my husband, and suddenly that dream shifted. I decided to stay here and go to film school. I did graduate. We talked about moving to California and about how our life would change. Then, slowly, it got farther and farther away.
Then the ultimate life choice happened. I wanted a baby. WE wanted a baby.
So we waited until the time was right and now we have little baby J. I loved being a mom to our puppies, but I am completely head over heels in love with being a mom to my daughter. It is the most terrifying, exciting, funny, exhausting and happy thing that has ever happened to me. It's not something you can explain unless you have a child, but it is something that has helped me to feel at peace with the realization that maybe dreams can change. Maybe you find a new dream. Maybe you find peace with yourself and decide that whatever you do now, you do for your family and that being good to them and surrounding yourself with love and happiness, somehow you will find whatever it is your heart desires.
Preachy preaching aside, welcome to my life.
What dream, you ask? Well, I had decided that I would go to USC, graduate from their film program and walk into a film job doing anything until I would get the chance to direct my own film. Slowly things changed. I met my husband, and suddenly that dream shifted. I decided to stay here and go to film school. I did graduate. We talked about moving to California and about how our life would change. Then, slowly, it got farther and farther away.
Then the ultimate life choice happened. I wanted a baby. WE wanted a baby.
So we waited until the time was right and now we have little baby J. I loved being a mom to our puppies, but I am completely head over heels in love with being a mom to my daughter. It is the most terrifying, exciting, funny, exhausting and happy thing that has ever happened to me. It's not something you can explain unless you have a child, but it is something that has helped me to feel at peace with the realization that maybe dreams can change. Maybe you find a new dream. Maybe you find peace with yourself and decide that whatever you do now, you do for your family and that being good to them and surrounding yourself with love and happiness, somehow you will find whatever it is your heart desires.
Preachy preaching aside, welcome to my life.